Communicating - "The Withhold"

Communications is always an area of growth that applies across relationship types.

I don't communicate completely in my partner relationships. If I am to learn to be honest and improve my dating situation...I have to practice opening up more. The best example of "Withholding" is sending signals to a woman that I am interested in her...and then stopping the signals. This happens sometime from when I first start thinking about her to the 4th date. I've heard this called killing off the relationship, when you just stop talking to someone ...or you stop the communications (it is not enough to be nice to another person, you have to share yourself and your thoughts). I guess that is called "Being Present" in the relationship.

It is true the worst relationship I got in was an ongoing "Power-Play" ...which is like an escalating war. This is like when the fighting results in hurt feelings that demand new defenses be built or used against the other at the next fight. Or it seems to me my partner is using everything against me to expose my weakness and take advantage of me - either to make the decisions for me, control my life, control the relationship, or maybe control my feelings so that my reality is dependant on my partner. Obviously you can chose the wrong partner. Or you can have some personality traits either to accept or work on to avoid the pit-falls. Alpha-dog behavior or Doormat behavior causes other problems. These days people seem to have both male and female type personality characteristics.

Anyway, for me to build healthy relationships will depend on me getting my thoughts on the table--Instead of me stopping the relationship. I always think of the case where the girl with the guy that is a real jerk entered into the commitment because the guy was acting or saying things he didn't mean. But in my case I suppose I need to keep up the positive thinking and positive comments to the next woman I start with. I guess that is how you decide if there is synergy/synchronicity. I mean "Keep things Positive" for a couple of months.

So anyway "The Withhold" is anything I could be holding secret that might damage the relationship. If I am holding back a judgement...I think I remenber a Relationship where I didn't like the woman's clunky, black, low heal shoes --The problem is that I think she knew I didn't like the shoes as we were walking downtown (What can I do or say about those feelings?). Another example could be like "oh, she is from such and such and she is more experienced in relationships and (therfore) she won't like me. Or she is blue collar and from the south and she just won't like me/doesn't like me enough. Or she is very educated and knows lots of smart people and she won't be interested in me/thinks I am too homey or unread or intellectually slow or that I am not goal oriented and won't do much with my life. Those are examples of judgements. ...Judgements against myself in some cases. I know this stuff, but I haven't practiced it or communicated well in dating new people.

Then again ...hey, sometimes you have to stand up and hold on to the relationship (Take a Stand). Now if I can only get some internet traffic to visit my Blog...